2. Hot coffee and hot meals are virtually non-existent. Your child will always take precedence and so your wants and needs tend to get moved to the back burner. This is especially true if you are a breastfeeding mom. Your baby will inevitably get hungry or need a diaper change right as your meal has been served. As my son has gotten older it's gotten better. I've also gotten a cup warmer that you plug into the wall. My coffee might not be piping hot but at least it is warm!
3. Planning according to your schedule is a joke. You try the first few times. I did, even with Ellie being my second and knowing how that ended the first time I took my son out. You learn that getting out the door with a baby takes more time (and stuff) than just grabbing your phone, purse, and keys and walking out the door. The baby needs a last minute diaper change, inevitably soils the clothes she's in which requires another change. Now you're 15 minutes late for that lunch date and you haven't even walked out the door yet. This is your new reality.
4. Any outing will take twice as long as it did before. That's only with one child. I've found that with two it takes five times longer. Diaper changing the baby, stopping for the potty for my three year old, getting in the car, getting out of the car, ensuring my three year old has his toy that he brought into the store, stopping to pull out his snack cup or bottle from the now enormous diaper bag. Yep. It's tons of fun...well it's an adventure anyways!
5. You will almost always remember everything for the baby but forget the most essential things for yourself. Whether you are simply going out to the grocery store or on a trip to visit your in-laws. No matter how many times you check, double check, and triple check it will happen. The cell phone one day, a hair tie the next, pajamas, a toothbrush, underwear, you name it. The way around it? Keep spares in your car. Seriously.
6. Doing one thing at a time is history. Your skills at multi-tasking become legendary. Gone is doing one thing at a time at a pace meant to complete them properly in a timely manner. Your pace becomes frenzied and you learn to feed your baby, have a conversation, drink water, and play with your three year old all at the same time. Now, I'm not saying that your conversation will be totally coherent or that you won't wind up with water on you or on the floor, but hey, no one's perfect!
7. Quality time with your spouse becomes more limited than before. As a woman who's just given birth you're tired. Extremely tired. You're baby goes to bed and so do you. At least you should be sleeping when the baby sleeps but that doesn't always happen, let's face it. Your spouse has not been through childbirth and while they may be experiencing sleep deprivation but chances are they are not nearly as tired as you are. Your waking hours are spent eating, bathing, feeding your baby, and maybe doing a little housework. Quality time with your loved one now revolves around your time with the baby. Grab time together whenever you can. Snuggling on the couch even if you fall asleep, eating supper together, even folding laundry together are all little moments that we've found keep us connected.
8. Taking time for yourself is more important than ever! It doesn't have to be large blocks of time or hours. It's about taking a few extra minutes when you can. For me it's taking those extra minutes when I get out of the shower to put my leave-in hair conditioner, face cream, and body lotion on. Not only does it make me feel pretty and clean but it's quality me time when I know I'm doing something good for myself. It's only taken me 30 years and two kids to finally get a good skin care regime going but hey...who's counting?
9. Getting together with friends. Having a baby doesn't mean that you have to give up your social life but get ready for it to change. Depending on your lifestyle pre-baby it can be pretty drastic. Gone are the days when you can make a spontaneous trip to the restaurant or late night movie. Especially as a couple. Also friends that are single or those without kids don't always immediately understand why you can't do these things. Not all of them but there's usually one or tow in each group of friends. As the baby gets older be prepared: some friends may request that you leave your child at home. Don't take it as an insult, especially if they don't have children of their own or have made an effort to get their children a sitter for the time. Look at it as a date night or a little time away from your child, both of which are healthy things for you and your partner or spouse. To keep healthy friendships be fair: let your friends know that you need time to plan things now, how late you are willing to stay out, and what days work best for you and a potential sitter if they want to get together sans children. Taking commonsense steps will help you keep up with your friends and keep your sanity as well.
10. Money. You may think this is silly but as a mom of two on a budget I think it's something that needs to be addressed. Something my mom and my mother-in-law have said over and over: you will never be rich enough, settled enough, or have the perfect situation to have children. EVER. It's true too. Working off of a budget is very helpful if it's not something you do already because babies (and children) are expensive! Forty (40!) dollars for a box of diapers that might last two weeks is just the beginning. Our budget used to include pocket money for both my husband and I. Not much, mind you, 25$-30$ a week for little things. Coffee or breakfast out with friends, books (we're both big readers), a new computer game (like we have the time!), fabric for my costumes, or a date night at the movies. That's gone now. That money is put towards diapers, wipes, shoes, clothes, and outings for our children. The last time I bought anything for myself was during my pregnancy because I needed maternity clothing. Even then it was my mom who bought them for me as a gift. I wonder if people who live in the higher income brackets have these same issues...but I somehow doubt it. The important thing is that you don't mind. It's not like I never buy anything for myself anymore but I'm just far more conscious about about what I truly need.
That's my list. The most important thing to note is that while I might miss these things I certainly don't mind the loss. They aren't true losses as long as you find a way to adapt. Everyone has their own way to work around these issues and some of the things above aren't issues at all for some folks because they find a way to work around it naturally. These are just the top ten things that I recognized in my own life that I had to make a conscious, and sometimes considerate, effort to adapt to. It helps a lot to have supportive family and friends which I have been blessed with in abundance. Whoever said that it takes a village to raise a child was not far from wrong. I never really understood that until I had my own children. It simply boils down to the fact that two pairs of hands and eyes are not enough when it comes to raising children. Take help when you can and enjoy your child(ren) all the more because of it!
9. Getting together with friends. Having a baby doesn't mean that you have to give up your social life but get ready for it to change. Depending on your lifestyle pre-baby it can be pretty drastic. Gone are the days when you can make a spontaneous trip to the restaurant or late night movie. Especially as a couple. Also friends that are single or those without kids don't always immediately understand why you can't do these things. Not all of them but there's usually one or tow in each group of friends. As the baby gets older be prepared: some friends may request that you leave your child at home. Don't take it as an insult, especially if they don't have children of their own or have made an effort to get their children a sitter for the time. Look at it as a date night or a little time away from your child, both of which are healthy things for you and your partner or spouse. To keep healthy friendships be fair: let your friends know that you need time to plan things now, how late you are willing to stay out, and what days work best for you and a potential sitter if they want to get together sans children. Taking commonsense steps will help you keep up with your friends and keep your sanity as well.
10. Money. You may think this is silly but as a mom of two on a budget I think it's something that needs to be addressed. Something my mom and my mother-in-law have said over and over: you will never be rich enough, settled enough, or have the perfect situation to have children. EVER. It's true too. Working off of a budget is very helpful if it's not something you do already because babies (and children) are expensive! Forty (40!) dollars for a box of diapers that might last two weeks is just the beginning. Our budget used to include pocket money for both my husband and I. Not much, mind you, 25$-30$ a week for little things. Coffee or breakfast out with friends, books (we're both big readers), a new computer game (like we have the time!), fabric for my costumes, or a date night at the movies. That's gone now. That money is put towards diapers, wipes, shoes, clothes, and outings for our children. The last time I bought anything for myself was during my pregnancy because I needed maternity clothing. Even then it was my mom who bought them for me as a gift. I wonder if people who live in the higher income brackets have these same issues...but I somehow doubt it. The important thing is that you don't mind. It's not like I never buy anything for myself anymore but I'm just far more conscious about about what I truly need.
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